The difference between these slights and say the “spinach in your teeth” or “fly is down” is the ambiguity about whether it is on purpose or not. Food in the teeth is always assumed to be unintentional.

This is where I love your example in Radical Candor about offering advise to a dog owner of a poorly behaved dog. You advise to start by demonstrating your care in the outset. “I can really tell you love your dog.” This opening makes space for the harder message that follows. Same applies with such a verbal slight as well, yes? “I know you well enough to know you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I want to let you know it’s not cool to say what you just did.”

Great article as always Kim.